Sunday, July 29, 2007

The Gaijin Punk Handbook

-Intro and first bits

Alright, just to get everyone up to speed, I'll go over the basics. Here are a couple of the most important points from "The Gaijin Punk Handbook". I'll post once a week for a while so you all can have time to absorb and begin to apply the information in your day too day experiences.

ONE. What is a ninja?

-Contrary to popular belief, ninja are the cause of all pain ,suffering and strife upon the planet. If you don't believe me, let's take a look at one of the events from American History. The Kennedy Assassination.

Kennedy was killed by the ninja. Don't laugh, I'm serious here! This is the real deal. The dictionary definition of "ninja" is UNSEEN ASSASSIN. No one saw the second gunman on that grassy knoll. Ninja are good at concealment. I.E. it was a ninja. No one came along and made up a rule that states ninja HAVE to wear black pajamas, fling throwing stars and rely on funny looking swords to take out their targets.

We will go into greater detail on this subject and how to prevent the pajama-wearing, bungholes from succeeding in implementing their evil plans later, for now lets just stick to the basics.

TWO. What does it mean if someone calls you a ninja or if you dub someone else to be one?

-If someone calls YOU a ninja, stop whatever it is you're doing! Your actions (whatever they may be) have tripped the danger sensors in the brain of another local member and you're in danger, not only of getting your ass handed to you, but of poisoning you mind and soul with some seriously BAD SHIT!

-There are many ways to pick up on the subtle signs that, regardless of their disguise, will betray the identity of someone engaged in acts of wickedness and subversive "ninja" behavior.

Examples would be:

Being narrow-minded, fake, cowardly, two-faced, self-centered, intolerant, hypocritical, lying, cheating, listening to boy bands, thinking anyone named "Brittany" is cool, liking the idea of being "just another face in the crowd", trying to justify actions you know to be wrong after the fact, having over inflated delusions of self-worth in the grand scheme of the cosmos, thinking pasta and potatoes belong in the same dish with one another, not knowing what band Joey R. (rip) was the lead vocalist for, LOVING that stupid "French" circus, caring more about your PET than your MATE, wanting to watch movies about "glitter rock" set in the 70's or listening to music performed by anyone named "Bolton, Hung or Jr."

THREE. What can you do to keep from becoming a pajama-wearing bunghole?

-The fact that you're reading this testifies that you want to make a change in your life and to have a positive effect in the world around you. This is a good thing. Ninja are absolutely EVERYWHERE in today's world. They've invaded and penetrated every level of society and don't care about race, creed, color, location or religion.

Nor should you!

Also, don't think you're alone. One of the main reasons behind this blog is to let local Gaijin Punk members know that there are others going through the same things they may have to deal with each and every day as well.

This will always be free.

There are no stupid questions. Any posts will be answered (unless posted BY ninja in which case we will find you through your ISP address and will notify members of the chapter in your area of your presence, you cowardly ninja dogs.)

If you want to fight and BEAT the endless ninja hoards in your area and halt their evil plan for world domination you must:


Myself and other members of the Gaijin Punk family, over the course of the coming months, will help you gain the knowledge and tools to do just that.

Until next time, keep your eyes open, your senses sharp and just observe!

To fight ninja you must first know how to find them. Also do not attempt to confront any you see at random. Ninja are a cowardly lot and will band together if you take action before you are prepared and ready.

Until next time!

No comments: